HAPPINESS
What is Happiness?
We were all born happy.
We were all conditioned to be unhappy.
You can change this.
Okay, now we have that understood, it’s time
to reprogram yourself to your natural state. It’s
not easy, but with just 28 days of planned action, it
is possible, and well worth the effort.
You are in control of your “happiness”
mechanism, whether you like it or not. The settings
you apply to this “control” are determined
solely by you.
Just as unhappiness is a factor in mental illness; happiness
is a factor of mental wellness. Happiness has been the
underlying premise of much Greek philosophy. Such dialogues
were used as catalysts to help clarify beliefs and thinking
processes and eventually precipitate new choices.
It is also the foundation of modern advertising; if
you buy this product it will make you happy, if you
don’t, your life will be difficult, lonely, unhealthy
or whatever, and you will be unhappy.
But we can choose whether we continue to support the
conditioning we have experienced in the past, and how
we interpret communications in the future.
Controlling Your Belief System
Our happiness is linked to our belief
system. Our beliefs are judgements, freely made
and maintained, yet alterable. Each of us has the freedom
to choose and change.
We can be happier and more effective in getting what
we want NOW, for "now" is all we have. We
learned to be unhappy; we can unlearn unhappiness and
reclaim happiness. As we
become happier, we become more loving and accepting.
Understanding your current beliefs, and learning how
to control your internal belief system can be one of
the greatest life enhancing journeys of your life.
Current Beliefs
During childhood we are burdened with a load of expectations.
We are expected to earn a good living, raise a family,
support our community and country, be nice to everyone,
be kind and generous to those less fortunate, so on
and so on. We are programmed
to believe that if we do not achieve these things,
we will be unhappy or less happy. Nonsense! Some of
those things make some people happy – but they
do not apply to everyone.
The first thing to understand is – YOU are the
ONLY expert on you and your world. This is your life
and only you can decide what makes you happy and only
you can deliver those things that make you happy. Too
often we rely on others to fulfil our expectations.
IF they don’t, we are unhappy.
This sort of belief system programs unhappiness as
a planned outcome if we don’t get what we want
or expect. Too often this becomes a self-fulfilling
prophecy. We end up spending most of our life fulfilling
the expectation of others, and effectively choosing
not to go after our own goals to avoid the unhappiness
deemed to engulf us.
Changing our Beliefs
We need to change in perspective to alter our conditioned
responses. Changing what you “need”
to what you “want” can help you move towards
your goals without having your life or happiness dependent
on them. Just like you have the choice to choose to
way you age, you have the right to choose the way you
live.
Some may feel that changing from ‘needs’
to ‘wants’ reduces motivation towards the
goal. For many, the opposite happens. Having to do something
is often linked with childhood experiences – if
we don’t achieve the task, unhappiness results.
By making this subtle change from needing something
to wanting it; it removes the necessity to reach the
goal, and any unhappiness associated with the outcome
of the attempt. This has a relaxing effect on the psyche.
The more comfortable you became with yourself, the easier
it will be to want more and dare to pursue more. You
feel more worthy of reaching out for your goals, and
less traumatised if you don’t reach them exactly
as planned.
Happiness Breeds Action.
Life is a journey of choosing or rechoosing, accepting
or discarding. As our beliefs
change, our choices change.
The interesting thing is, once you start to change,
you will notice that the environment around you changes.
People are happier to see you, more eager to spend time
with you. Fear, tension, discomfort and anxiety all
effectively short-circuit our systems. Ridding ourselves
of these limiting emotions removes barriers to action.
Have you ever noticed that happy people do not stop
moving. They always have something to do, they plan
their lives to learn, to experience things and to achieve
what they want. They make the effort to have the best
relationships and they learn tolerance and acceptance
of others and most importantly, of themselves.
Unhappiness does not support achievement, which in
turn acts as a barrier to happiness. It’s a vicious
cycle. An unhappy person has difficulty processing the
information they need to accomplish actions because
their energy and focus is diverted to deal with their
discomfort.
Happiness is not a goal in itself; it is a by-product
of achieving many other goals
Maintaining Your Happiness in Relationships
Unhappiness in each of us is the product of our own
beliefs. You have the freedom to choose and change.
The trick is to separate rational belief from irrational
conditioned belief. Rational belief is jumping out of
the way of a moving car – because you believe
if it hits you, you will be injured in some way. Irrational
belief is getting married, because if you don’t
find someone to marry you must be an unlovable or unloving
“reject”. So too is expecting that someone
else will make you happy.
Too often we are made to feel selfish if we pursue
our own dreams and don’t devote every waking minute
to making our spouses and children happy. Bollocks!
You don’t have the right or power to control
other adults. You don’t have the power to determine
their desires and behavior. You create your own feelings
and behavior from your own beliefs, the only person
I can possibly control is yourself. What you decide
to do is your decision. And what others decide to do
is their decision. It is a myth that others make you
unhappy or you make them unhappy.
Each of us is responsible for ourselves. Whilst we
are unhappy and attending to our fears, we are not loving.
People love in direct proportion to which they are happy.
Each of us can only do our best to share a life path
with someone else. As each partners beliefs change,
their wants change. If these stay aligned with your
wants and goals – great! If they don’t,
there is absolutely no failure by either party if the
‘relationship’ is no longer supportive of
a happy life for each person. We tend to beat up on
ourselves when relationships don’t last forever.
Worse, we defend our unhappiness by blaming the other
person.
We create reasons [beliefs] to give a rational basis
to our choices. Having some sort of rationale gives
us comfort, a basis for our action.
Everything you do represents a choice. Choosing is
either consenting to wants or deciding to go against
them. In choosing beliefs and activities, you either
move in harmony with yourself, and with others, or not.
This is a highly creative, highly evolving process.
Choices involve trust, happiness, and actions. And they
are all made on the basis of what you ‘believe’
the outcome of the choice is going to be. If those beliefs
are ill-founded; problems lie ahead.
It is only by dispelling past conditioning and aligning
your belief systems with what you want in life, will
you have a reliable basis to make choices. Simplistically,
decisions can be made by asking yourself – is
this choice or this action moving me toward my goal
or away from it.
So take time to free the real you from societal norms
and incorporate mind development exercises into your
lifestyle, just as you do physical exercise. You deserve
it.
Two areas of our lives that deserve a brief glimpse
are sex and money. The reason I have included these
is that too often they are used as measures of self
worth.
Next: How Sex Contributes
to Happiness
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